REMINDER: June is Gay Pride Month. July is Gay Wrath. Please dress accordingly.
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REMINDER: June is Gay Pride Month. July is Gay Wrath. Please dress accordingly. ~
06/03/2025
Keep On Trekkin’
Captain Christopher Pike, the newest captain to command the USS Enterprise, is technically, the third to ever sit in the captain’s chair. The first being notable war criminal Captain Jonathan Archer. Pike assumed command of the next iteration of starships, the Constitution-class USS Enterprise, from Captain, now Admiral, Robert April during the ship’s first year in service for her shakedown cruise. Suck it, Archer. We had a chance to sit down with Captain Pike to ask what makes his captaincy different from those who would come before and after, most notably, James T. Kirk. We have the fake exclusive interview.
Captain Pike, “What sets me apart from my predecessor? My hair. … Oh, and Spock and I have never fucked. He did let me be the little spoon during one intense cuddle session. Which was nice.”
You read it here, folks.
Story by: The Orion
The Way to Ew
Border authorities at the Caitian home world have halted and quarantined the USS Napier after a religious conference-turned-concert-turned-ship-wide-love-in resulted in everyone aboard contracting full body athlete’s foot. The Caitian authorities were alerted to the extra planetary orgy when several participants accidentally butt-dialed the Caitian coast guard. Head of State Csearr had this to say, “They actually called a number of worlds with their asses. Cait, Trill, Andoria, the Bolians. Somehow their asses managed to merge all the calls and we thought it rude to hang up. So, we observed… the incident. … For health and safety reasons. And it’s a good thing we did! Or else we wouldn’t have noticed the health hazard. We weren’t aware humans could get mange. … And now we do. … Don’t tell my wife. … What do you mean this is live?” Starfleet Medical has dispatched several emergency vessels to the Cait to sterilize the Napier.
…
Shouldn’t that read sanitize?
…
Regardless, Starfleet Medical has launched several cautionary buoy around the Napier warning passersby not to approach as the situation is “Just gross.”
Story by: Hugh Jass
On The Padd
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